Yesterday I was talking with my friends about surrogate mothers and all of us didn't understand why a mother could give as a present her precious child to an strange family.
My friend Jamie Ash, is the single mom of a little boy named Hamish who was born at home, didn't find natural why a birthmom could renounce to her children and forget all the nice feelings she had experienced during the delivery. Jamie also told us that she preferred to die that gave Hamish to a strange family. And although sometimes is very difficult to be a single mom by choice, her son Hamish is her biggest joy.
Do you understand or criticize surrogate mothers ?|||Actually yes it does matter where the sperm and egg come from. If the egg isn't yours, than the baby isn't of your DNA, so the baby is technically not yours. They implant the fertilized egg into the surrogate mothers uterus, so that the baby can form. Women that can't carry a child are not always infertile either. Sometimes their body just doesn't allow a baby to grow. If a surrogate mother agrees to let the baby grow in her uterus knowing full well that the baby won't belong to her after the birth, than that is their choice and of their knowledge. The sign papers, a legal contract, before begining the implantation process. Surrogate mothers are very very admirable people for letting a child other than their own grow in their body. But I think that you should get your facts straight. Read up on surrogacy:)|||over protective|||No I do not judge or criticize those women. Are you nuts? I think you also don't understand surrogacy. You are confusing adoption and surrogacy. Surrogates get the sperm and or egg from the parents that ASK the woman to carry THEIR child. It's not her biological child. Adoption is when a woman concieves on her own and gives her child up.
Let's not judge what we don't understand. It's a beautiful, wonderful gift these women give to these couples...
Add: I guess you didn't even bother to read what everyone is saying...Keep on judging if you want to be judgemental. I'm glad you were never put in the position to need a surrogate but if you were maybe you would get it. It's not easy for the women who do it but they get a huge reward in knowing they've help a loving couple who couldn't conceive naturally.|||I think surrogacy is wonderful. I don't think you are understanding it. The surrogate mother carries a baby (not her baby) for another woman. I think if a woman enjoys being pregnant and is willing to carry a child for another woman, that's great.|||Surrograte mothers are gifts from god and bring alot of joy and happiness to people who want it most and cant have it
These women are amazing, and should be honored.|||Are you talking about moms that give up their children for adoption or women who carry for another family? Doesn't matter to me, because both are highly admirable in my eyes. As someone who was told that I could never have children I looked into everything I could. My sister was going to carry my egg for me as a surrogate mother and I was looking into adoption.
I agree that a child is a gift. However, the child isn't only appreciated by biological mothers or women who have carried to term with full intent to complete someone elses family.
After your edit: That child is not yours. You may feel a connection with them, but as you agreed PRIOR to the procedure and/or contract you are just the carrier. You are not the mother. This is both for adoption and surrogacy. It's a personal choice and belief. Some women can't be surrogate mothers or give up their children for adoption, because they can not see past their personal views of the definition of "mother" and that's okay.
But as no one is judging women who can not be surrogates, I think that no one should judge the women who are.|||your not understanding how surrogacy works.
the child is made for that couple. you get to know the couple and become friends with them so they are not strangers. its not adoption its not like your pregnant and you give the child up. The child is made for that couple.
i am a surrogate and i am 29 weeks pregnant, without the couple i wouldnt be pregnant and she would not have been created. She was not made for me, she was created for this couple to love and cherish. im great friends with them. and see them once a month but talk every day by call and text.
there are 2 types of surrogacy.
host- where you go through IVF and have the couples embrios implanted inside of you, so you have no genetic link to the child all your doing is being a babysitter for 9 months until he/she is ready to be born.
straight - where you use your egg and the husbands sperm (you do not have intercourse it is done by Artifical insemination) the child is genetically yours yes, but as i keep sayin he/she was created for the couple.
if surrogacy didnt exist then all the couples that couldnt have children that wanted them would never be able to have them, but having a surrogate mother means they can have the child of there dreams
hope that helped a bit.
Edit: the baby is not yours as you go into it from the beginning knowing you wont be rasing the baby this other couple will,|||I don't even try to understand them. WHy would I judge something that makes someone happy? I think it's like a contract; they lend their bodies to a couple in need, get good money for making a couple happy.
if both parties agree, I don't see the harm.|||it sounds like you have mixed up surrogacy with adoption and either way though i think it is a big thing to do for some because that then gives a family a way to have a baby that would other wise not have though the difference is with surrogacy the woman is carrying the child of the couple by at least one half it is either their fully baby meaning the egg and sperm are from the couple or her egg and the sperm from the couple where as adoption the baby starts out as the woman's own child but for what ever reasons she has found she cannot take care of it so she then finds a family that will raise and love the baby
both are wonderful things|||Obviously you have no idea what a surrogate mother actually does. The baby in her belly is not biologically hers (in most cases). And most surrogate mothers are already mothers themselves and want to give the beauty and the joy to couples who can not carry children themselves. It is about helping someone else by doing the ultimate in amazing things. I have nothing but respect for surrogate mothers. I don't like being pregnant, but am lucky enough to be able to get that way and deliver my children. Being a surrogate, you are not emotionally bonded to the child in your belly, as you know from the beginning you are doing it for another family. It is an entirely different experience. And one that you should never criticize...as you obviously have no idea what it is about.|||a surrogate mother is not the biological mother of the child. it is someone elses sperm and egg (fertilized) implanted into the womb of the surrogate. this person usually agrees to do this because the couple may not be able to have their own children or carry the child for a number of reasons. I dont think i could ever do it but i applaud anyone who can! what a wonderful gift to give someone!
EDIT: No the baby is NOT yours. that is the point of being a surrogate. the people who enter into this agreement understand this, and there is a legal side to it. someone cant decide to keep the baby after it is born, if they are a surrogate. it just doesnt work this way.|||You're an idiot. The baby is not yours just because you gave birth to them. Surrogate women choose to do this as a favor for women who are unable to carry their own child for some reason. Surrogate women have NO rights to the child they give birth to.
Just because you're too stupid and selfish to ever help a couple like surrogate women do doesn't mean anything is wrong with them...the problem is with you.|||Do you know what a surrogate mother really is? A surrogate mother is a woman who carries the child of someone else. It is not like adoption where a woman places her biological child with another family.
For example:
Ann is a surrogate mother for Paul and Marie. Paul gave his sperm while Marie gave her eggs. Marie's eggs were implanted with Paul's sperm. The embryos that survived were then placed into Ann. The result was one embryo that implanted. Ann gives birth to the child of Paul and Marie. She is in no way related to the child she gave birth to. Paul and Marie are the biological parents of the child and are related to the child by DNA because they supplied the sperm and the egg.
Sarah chose Bill and Karen to be her baby's adoptive parents. Her baby is the result of her own egg and the sperm is from her partner/boyfriend/husband/fiance/etc. The baby is not biologically related to Bill and Karen at all.
EDIT - The baby is not "yours" just because you gave birth to it. You obviously are not mature enough to understand this complicated situation. I would gladly be a surrogate to anyone - stranger, relative, or friend, and I would never consider the baby "mine" just because I carried it and gave birth to it. To do so would be incredibly immature and selfish, not to mention dishonest.|||i dont understand but i dont criticize them at all either i thank them in a way BC its not easy going thru pregnancy especially to give your child away
and its not easy to give a child away after 9 months of carrying him/her
they are good for this world bc they are helping ppl that cant conceive have a child of their own and even if they didnt make or help creat the baby its theirs and they get somethign they really want......
i thought about being a surr BUT i cant imagine giving my child away bc in reality its mine unless i give it away
and i love babies and i cant imagine having one of my own out there and never knowing anythign about them|||First it is important for you to understand that a surrogate mother is not carrying her own child, it is biologically the child of the couple who is going to get the baby after the pregnancy is over with. People choose surrogacy if they are unable to carry a baby themselves. Women decide to be surrogate mothers because they either want to help out someone who they know and are close with or they want the monetary compensation.
Second giving away a child is exactly what happens with adoption, and mothers do this because they feel they can not take care of the child themselves.|||the baby is not yours, just because you gave birth to him/her, biologically the baby is NOT yours. i want to be a surrogate and i in no way consider it this way you describe, you detach yourself from the baby because you KNOW it wasn't made by you. you are giving a family the best gift in the world, without surrogates these families couldn't have a biological child of their own, if you were unable to have children im sure you would feel different. sure its hard but the joy and love it gives people makes it worth while for me, without a surrogate that baby wouldn't exsist so you are basically saying that all children born this way are abandoned and weren't loved by the "birth mom" well i can tell you now my best friend born this way (the one who got me to think about surrogacy) cant believe how horrible this Q sounds. you have no idea the feelings that go into such a process, parents don't pay and spend the time and energy into this process to not love the child, when the child is born it goes to the real parents who love that child as much or even more than your friend loves her child because it is their child. my friend was born and given to her parents she was not taken from or abandoned by her "birth/real (in your words) mother" just the woman who cared enough to bring her into the world otherwise she wouldn't even be alive!|||I totally admire surrogates - it's the ultimate act of love and unselfishness. Like that woman in the news recently - there was a mix-up at the IVF clinic and she had another couple's embryo implanted into her. She's giving the child back to the couple, saying "it's not mine to keep". That's how surrogates feel - they are growing a baby on behalf of a couple that can't have their own babies.
It's not an easy undertaking by any stretch of the imagination. Surrogates need to be very firm about how they will cope with growing a baby inside of them and then giving it to the couple waiting for it.
I would actually argue that it's easier in some respects to give a surrogate child to its new parents, than to adopt out your own biological child. Neither are easy, I'm just saying it must be easi-er when you know the child doesn't really belong to you - even if it was indeed grown in your uterus.
I'm 18 weeks pregnant and can't imagine giving my much-longed-for baby away, but that's my biological child. Quite different when you're essentially "cooking" someone else's child inside you for 9 months (using the old "bun in the oven" euphemism there!).
At the end of the day, that baby isn't yours to keep - it was created by someone else's ingredients (on a roll with the bun theme now *l*). Go surrogates! If I was younger (35 with No1), I'd consider doing it for a couple.
That help? :-)
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