Surrogate mothers... how did it work for you?

Who has done it? How did it go for you? Was it hard to give up the baby/babies after you gave birth? Were you glad you did it?



What about the pro's and con's?Surrogate mothers... how did it work for you?
I know this is not what you asked, and no, I have never done it. But would you still take a sincere look at this? It is very important to look at more than the "Aw, that is such a "wunnerful" thing to do" side.



It was my response to an earlier question, but I still think it can apply here:



It is sick, exploitative, and classist.



No one is thinking about the child. Whether or not the surrogate is genetically related to the child, the child knows the surrogate as "mother" There IS bonding in the womb. The child knows her voice, her smell, her heartbeat, the taste of her food (tastes can enter the amniotic fluid, AND breast milk), the sway of her walk, her moods, ect. It is now known that when a baby is born, the baby does not separate himself as being a separate person from his mother. She is all he knows and all he wants. In his mind, SHE is his mother, whether he came from her DNA or not. When a baby is separated from his mother, a "Primal Wound" occurs. (Read the book called "The Primal Wound" by Nancy Verrier, she is an adoptive mother, btw...) This is not a fair to the child.



I am sick and tired of all these people saying that you are giving a "gift" to an infertile couple. CHILDREN ARE NOT "GIFTS" TO BE GIVEN AWAY!!!! THEY ARE HUMAN BEINGS AND THAT NEEDS TO BE RESPECTED! HOW WOULD YOU LIKE IT IF YOU WERE GIVEN AS A GIFT?!?!?!?! Also, gifts are "possessions". People are no longer possessions since we abolished slavery.



This is a GREAT blog about a man that is the result of surrogacy.



http://sonofasurrogate.tripod.com/



Children are not born "blank slates" and mothers can not just be substituted. It is NOT fair to the child to screw with their head like that for YOUR happiness. As a parent, your CHILDS needs come first, and and by hiring a surrogate, you are putting YOUR needs and desires first, right off the bat. To me, this SCREAMS "unfit" It is NOT about you! I am sorry for your infertility, it must be aweful. I get that, I really do. But children are not responsible for their parents happiness. It is NOT fair to put that on their shoulders.



Not only is this wrong for the child, but it is bad for the surrogate as well. How many rich, white women do you see carrying a middle class hispanic womans baby????? My point exactly! It is most often lower, working class women OR women in other countries thare trying to put food on the table for their other children. It is SICK! Prostitution is illegal and frowned upon, but women can rent out their uteruses and it is considered "noble" it makes no sense!



Personal autonomy is also completely taken advantage of. These women are not allowed to terminate, have to eat nad drink certain things, and go to incredible length, just so that they can provide for their family.



ETA: Thank you, all I ask is that you do the research and consider what I have to say.



To the person below me: I am not against adoption, I am for adoption reform. I am against 99.9% of domestic infant adoptions, I feel that they are unnecessary and the adoption industry coerces vulnerable women into believing that they are not good enough for thier children. (ever heard of pre-birth matching) I will not explain it all here, but if you are really interested in my POV, come over to the adoption section of Y!A. It will blow your mind, as long as you can go in with an open mind, willing to learn. Adoption is NOT all sunshine and rainbows!
Some people are born to help others, then some are not! To me personally I think it's down to the Individual it must be hard to give the baby up as I'm sure you would get attatched. But really it's not that different to adoption is it? As long as a child is loved and taken care of, as there are so many that arnt!

I think it's a great thing to do, and for those that disagree that's only your opinion. It's easy to judge when it has no baring on your life.

I think the people who do this are truley selfless, good luck to them! And I'm sure the babies are treasured!Surrogate mothers... how did it work for you?
I have put a lot of thought into surrogacy I have soon to be 4 beautiful babies and I could not imagine what life would be like to not be able to have children so I have thought on this subject god blessed me with mine why not help him bless others, I do think it would be hard to give up the child but at the same time your giving someone a whole new life. I have not completely made up my mind and my husband supports me in whatever I decide.
hi i myself like you think this is a wonderful thing to do but like your self could never do this as my husband would never let me carry someone else child and also been 26 weeks and feeling the way i do about my baby girl now i would get to attached

but at the same time i think people who can cut there self off and carry a child for someone else deserves a lot of respect well they get mine anyway so althrough i would love to do it for all the right reason i dont think i could ever do it xxx
In response to Nurse Autumn...I'm under the impression our also against adoption because from everything your saying, its wrong and "sick" to have a child that does not come from your own womb.
i never done it my auntie had but it was getting close to the baby being born and the biological mother decided she didnt whant a baby...
Why would you want to?



Adding: I think that the person that is hiring a surrogate mother isn't thinking about the baby. If they can't have a baby and want a baby so bad then what is wrong with adopting one? There are millions of children out there that grow up with out a family. I think they need families and homes. If I couldn't have children I would definitely try to adopt a baby. I would rather take care of a child that has no mother because like that child they have no mother and I have no baby. What better match is there than that? (Other than having your own of course) This is a VERY selfish act on the person hiring the surrogate.