Since the baby is developing in the surrogate, shouldn't she be the one who feels the most bonded when it is born? Or does genetics keep that from happening? Does the surrogate really feel any different just because the baby has different DNA? I just think this is interesting because many people here say adoption is cruel because the biological mom gets the child she has been carrying ripped away, but what if she carries a child that isn't technically hers?|||Dissociative disorder like depersonalization?.
Some women can block it out during pregnancy/after giving birth.....others can't thats why they fight for custody despite having different DNA.
People should not be using/renting a woman and her body parts.|||I think surrogate mothers have pregnancy fetishes and savior complexes. They also do it for the cash.
They are intentionally creating an adoptee, whether it's her egg, or someone else's egg. Its wrong.
A baby bonds to it's mother while in utero. Period. If its her egg, it's even worse, because the child will not be genetically related to his or her adoptive mother. If it isnt her egg, the child still suffers from premature separation from his or her first Mother.
I think it's disgusting. But it does prove a point to some extent- that parents want their OWN child...even if it's just "half" theirs. Ssshhhh. That's not supposed to be talked about.|||Dear Brittany,
First of all, in some cases, the baby of a "surrogate" IS genetically related to the mother but even in the cases of donated eggs the surrogate still goes through the hormonal changes of pregnancy, still has nine months of a fetus developing and moving inside of her body, still shares fluids, immunities and blood with the fetus (that's how it develops and gets nutrition!) and still goes through labor and delivery. The fetus still develops hearing the surrogate's voice and heartbeat, her patterns of walking, sleep, eating, etc. Yes, with some there is a certainly a bond.
http://sonofasurrogate.tripod.com/
http://www.associatedcontent.com/article鈥?/a>|||I think surrogacy arrangements should be limited to either family members or REQUIRED to go through agencies where there is more psychological counseling done for the surrogates to weed out those who are more likely to be badly affected.
My sister's relative was a surrogate twice. I think it was much harder on her children than on her as she clearly never bonded with either child emotionally. Did the baby bond with the surrogate? Certainly, you could say that as hers is the voice the child heard for 9 months. As far as what affect it has on the child long term? I suppose that depends. I personally only know one child who was produced via surrogacy and he is 11 now. His story was very public. He has an 'aunt' relationship with his surrogate mother (no biological connection) and it's been very positive. My sister's relative has no connection with the children she produced.
Wishing surrogacy to go away is really pointless as it is not likely to happen unless we have a massive breakdown in technology. Making it better for the surrogate mother and the resulting child should be the chief concern. I personally don't think surrogacy adoptions fall in the same category as other types of adoptions.|||The baby bonds with the person who carries him or her, so you're right, he is most bonded with the "surrogate" mother.
I think it's wrong to intentionally create an adoptee when there are already so many of us. I also think it's wrong for people to want designer babies and to go to some of these rather extreme lengths for a child. It has to put a lot of heavy expectations on this child.|||I think that I could never place any child, and as an adoptive mom, I'm very thankful that a first mom was out there, who made the decision to place.
For some women, placement is much easier than others. In surrogacy, I think a lot more counseling should be done ahead of time, during, and after the birth of a baby. A mother who is not attached to a bio child would be much more likely to successfully be a surrogate. I also think that it would be in the best interests of the child who is being born by a surrogate mother, to have the adoptive parents around her VERY often, like daily, so the baby can hear their voices, just as a child hears their father's voice in the household during pregnancy, or at least, if the surrogate mother wore a voice tape recording of the adoptive parents so the baby could hear their voices in utero.
Our son's adoptive mother wanted to stay in our house, so she'd get to know us, to make the best decision for our (meaning all 4 of ours) son. By doing this, the transition was easier on him, and his familiar noises, such as our voices, the aquariums, television, traffic, etc, were the same before and after birth.|||My sister cannot carry, and my mother always thought that I should be a surrogate for her when the time came that she wanted to have children, the time came when I was aged just 20 at the time and after careful thought I decided I just couldn't do it. My mother thought I was extremely selfish for not agreeing to it while my sister was more understanding. The baby would not even have been my DNA, but I didn't feel I would be able to cope with it emotionally and I was aged 20 and yes I may be selfish but I didn't want stretchmarks and all the other nasties that come with pregnancy. I've since had a baby (for me, not my sister!) and realise that I did make the right decision and that so much bonding is done through pregnancy I don't think I could have given a baby away.
If you didn't watch it, you can probably catch up online- Addicted to surrogacy, Channel 4|||I believe that surrogacy is terrible because it is an intentional act of getting pregnant in order to surrender the child willfully. The child bonds with the woman in her womb, even though the DNA might not be the same. I think the only acceptable surrogacy is possibly a sister or mother carrying the baby for a woman in their family, but anything else is just disgusting.|||I have a friend who decided to be a surrogate, she thought she was doing a noble thing, that it wouldn't affect her, but it did and she went into counseling because she had the same feelings that any woman has when she gives up a child. Surrogates should talk to other firstmoms who have relinquished because the feelings are the same.|||I think this is really up to the person carrying the child. Some people feel that this is their way to help. They have no issues carrying the child and seem okay with giving the child up. I have a friend who used a surrogate and although I don't understand it it worked for them.|||Children should not be created to be given away. You are right, the child IS bonded to the woman who carried him, and the woman who carried him IS bonded to the child.|||I don't know. but I think would feel the same, my DNA or not if felt the baby move and bonded with this baby. I would never be able to give up a baby i had grow in me.|||Then she is deliberately creating an adoptee. Will she be attached? To a certain extent yes.|||surrogacy, IMO, is an example of human greed, "weird science", desperation; and a complete absence of human reproductive autonomy and respect.
in a phrase, it's an ethical and human rights' nightmare.
a surrogacy contract is the most invasive thing i can think of.
the mother is told when to have sex, when not to have sex, has to disclose who she's having sex with (and her partner has to be tested for STIs). then she is told who's sperm will be placed inside of her (eww...yuck...yuck..). furthermore, she is the at the whim of the "parents" regarding how many fetuses she will carry, which tests she must endure...whether or not to terminate if there is a "problem" with the pregnancy... then, her labor and delivery are simply a spectator event where the "parents" feel completely entitled to run into the delivery room...because, after all, it's THEIR KID.
babies are NOT supposed to be bred to be given away. nor are women suppose to rent out their uterus to meet mortgage payments, at the cost of their reproductive autonomy. altruism, be damned. most surrogates do it for the money. just like many who enter sex work.
and i especially find it distasteful when the salary of an enlisted member of the armed forces isn't enough, that now military wives are resorting to surrogacy.
there are very FEW reproductive issues where i take a hard stance.
surrogacy is one of them.
it's tantamount to prostitution. IMO.
oh...and the child IS hers. after all, that placenta and umbilical cord, thingy...it's attached. and...all of my babies responded to my voice and music played after they were born. i doubt a baby of a surrogate would respond any differently.
it's simply wrong to play with nature so that someone can have a new baby to stick in a funky sling.
seriously, i think if "parents" are down with swapping hubby's seed and dictating the reproductive actions of another...then she (the surrogate) and the husband should just meet for dinner and...
really...what's the difference?|||The woman doesn't get it "ripped away". If this was done professionally(barf), she signed documents stating that this was not her child to keep, and knew full well going into it that she wasn't keeping the child. That is not cruel. If she wanted a child to keep, she could have just spread her legs for anyone and gotten pregnant that way.
Also, when a biological mom gives her baby up for adoption, it's not being "ripped away". She's giving it away. Big difference.|||Like many issues, I would think this is specific to circumstance. Personally, the only people I would consider being surrogate for would be my sisters, which means that while the child wouldn't be genetically my son or daughter, they would at least be a neice or nephew, which means that I am free to bond with them. I think it takes a very strong minded person to be a surrogate for someone who they're not close to and of course, the bonding thing would be an issue there.
By the way, in adoption, babies don't get ripped away from their mother, the mother willingly hands the baby over. You make it sound like the has no choice!
In an ideal world, all babies would be carried and birthed by the person who will then raise them for the rest of their lives. But we don't live in an ideal world, and perhaps it'd be boring if we did.|||Well the birth mother has to agree to give up a child for adoption. I can't see how or why anyone would think adoption is cruel. I think surrogate mothers probably feel something for the child but they know from the beginning that it is not theirs. Surrogacy is such a great wonderful gift to give to parents who can not get pregnant on their own.|||i think they are brave.
very brave
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